Ep. 109 - How to have a happy mind with Dr. Sarah Vohra

Jul 23

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The Motherkind Podcast · Ep. 109 - How To Have A Happy Mind With Dr. Sarah Vohra

This week, I’m speaking with Dr. Sarah Vohra, aka The Mind Medic. Dr. Sarah is a Consultant Psychiatrist with over 10 years of experience working within the NHS. She’s really passionate about mental health and collaborates with leading companies on mental health initiatives across the globe.

You might have heard of Dr. Sarah from her fantastic column in Women’s Health Magazine or through her work with The Telegraph’s weekly Stella Magazine. Her brand-new book ‘The Mind Medic: Your 5 Senses Guide to Leading a Calmer, Happier Life’ was released last week - it’s a great guide, packed full of useful tools, some of which she shares with us here in the episode.

We had a fantastic conversation around ways to let go of anxiety, worry and comparison. I think you’ll find some really practical tips to help you navigate through what I’m calling the ‘perfect storm for parents’. I hope you enjoy it – and, as always, the conversation continues over on Instagram so do come and join us there.

You can download a transcript of this week’s episode here.

Key takeaway’s from this week’s episode:

introducing The Family Reset Plan:

Around 87% of 2,000 parents feel stressed with their family life, including children’s emotional health, right now. (01:30)
The Family Reset Plan is a virtual, five-module workshop to help in those areas. (02:06)
The workshop features Dr Nneka Ikeogu, a child and educational psychologist, and Dr Emma Svanberg, a clinical psychologist also known as ‘The Mumologist’. (02:33)
The workshop costs only £25 and is free for anyone working in the NHS. It will be out on the 28th of July. (04:02)

Lockdown Experience:

As a professional, Dr. Sarah has been continuously working throughout the lockdown. (06:22)
She had to transition towards telephone consultations when lockdown started. (06:28)
Her work heavily relies on assessing patients' body language. Telephone consultations are only helpful if you know the patients well. (06:42)
It has been challenging to have conversations and provide reassurance to her daughter about the different learning environment. (07:22)
The lockdown has forced us to carry on at a slower pace. (07:52)

Worries & Anxieties During the Lockdown:

Worry and anxiety have arisen from suddenly being forced to sit down with their own thoughts and feelings during the lockdown. (08:06)
While social media can bring people together, it can also escalate comparison, which can compound feelings of low mood and anxiety. (08:51)

What Is a Worry?:

Worry is a normal emotion; it's a natural response to uncertainty. You can be in control of when and where you worry. (10:19)
Worry dump — It’s about thinking about your worries and turning them into a problem that you can solve. (10:35)
A ‘might not’ worry — A worry that might not even happen, but you can almost allow it to run away with you (11:20)

The ‘Worry Curfew’:

Worry curfew — Shelving your worries until later in the day (11:42)
Ask yourself if your worry is something you can turn into a problem that you can solve. (12:16)
If it is, solve the problem there. If it is not, then write it down. (12:23)
Doing so would allow you to become skilled at acknowledging worry and empowers you in controlling when and where it happens. (13:11)

What to Do When the Worry Keeps Coming Back:

Keep repeating the process. The more you get used to acknowledging the process, the more you’d get skilled at being able to shelve that worry. (14:23)
The worst thing you could possibly do is to say, ‘Don’t worry about it’. (14:44)

The Common Theme About Worries:

You have to establish where worry is getting in the way of your everyday life. (15:34)
In Dr. Sarah's spectrum of worry, being a mother opened up a huge avenue of comparison against other people's lives. (16:02)

Overcoming the Comparison Spiral:

If you’re following accounts that don’t match up with your own opinion, it’s easy to think you’re doing something wrong. (16:57)
While social media is a great space for connection, you have to curate your feed to avoid setting up comparisons. (17:25)
You can mute if you think unfollowing is too bold of a move. Ask yourself what you're achieving by following those individuals. (17:49)
Look closer to home on why you’re holding your relationships. Is it the same way with your online friendships and influencers you follow online? (18:02)

Friend Litmus Test:

‘Ask Yourself’ — This section in Dr. Sarah’s book lists down questions you can answer to scrutinise your friendships. (19:42)
Evaluate if the draining feeling is just a snapshot of a positive and nurturing relationship. (20:35)
If the common theme when you’re with them is negative, you need to evaluate what you’re gaining from your relationship. (20:47)

Providing Clarity in the Boundary You Set:

It all boils down to communicating how you feel and giving the other person an opportunity to speak as well. (21:32)
Don’t make assumptions about their actions. (21:45)
Be clear how long you have noticed the recurring negative theme. Communicate if they want to take steps to rectify that. (22:20)

The Importance of Honest Communication in Resentments:

Dr. Sarah’s husband needs to pull his weight during the lockdown because they used to rely on his mum for childcare. (23:38)
She communicated her resentments instead of allowing them to build up. (23:53)

Saying No:

Saying no is important because sometimes we're only being pressured to say yes. (25:39)
Saying yes when you mean no can get you tangled in taking on more than you’re able to. You risk getting burnt out and building up resentment. (26:00)
Importance list — Think about what’s important to you personally, from a social perspective and from a work–life perspective. (26:19)
It’s a lot easier to become swayed by an opportunity that presents itself. (28:16)

Living by the Importance List:

During the lockdown period, the consumer stuff has gone down in her priority list. Now, it’s about having time with her daughter and husband. (32:19)
She also puts exercising in her priority list, not from an aesthetic point of view but for its mental benefits. (33:14)
It’s okay for mums to have time only for themselves. (33:33)
Being empowered when it comes to how you spend your time is one part of lockdown life that she wants to continue. (34:17)

The Root of Not Being Able to Say No:

For Dr. Sarah, it rooted from always saying no as a kid and not being able to participate in social gatherings. (35:26)
She overcompensated for this as she grew older; it manifested in the divide between her academic and social priority. (35:43)
As a parent, she always has a lot of guilt about her daughter when it comes to social gatherings. She makes sure that she’s not being left out. (36:23)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Mind Medic by Dr. Sarah Vohra
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
FREEBIES! Find out how you can take control of your life, reconnect to you, and more! Download ‘10 Ways to Reconnect to You’ and our weekly and monthly check-in on Motherkind.co.
Are you ready to find freedom from guilt? Let me help you find Freedom from Perfectionism if you are a mother who has ever felt not quite enough.
Learn tools to better support yourself and your children emotionally through the coronavirus pandemic. Join The Family Reset Plan virtual workshop for a limited introductory price of £25. And it’s FREE for all NHS Staff. Sign up today.

About Dr. Sarah

Dr. Sarah Vohra is a consultant psychiatrist with over 10 years of experience working with the NHS. She has a column for Women's Health Magazine and is a contributor to Stella Magazine. Dr. Sarah is also the author of the book The Mind Medic: Your 5 Senses Guide to Leading a Calmer, Happier Life.

You can connect with Dr. Sarah on her website, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.