Ep. 107 - Breaking the superwoman addiction with Amy Taylor-Kabbaz

Worklife juggleMindset
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This week, I’m speaking with the wonderful Amy Taylor-Kabbaz about her work around matrescence. Amy is an author, journalist and a matrescence activist. Her latest book, ‘Mama Rising: Discovering the New You Through Motherhood’ , is brilliant and was released last year.  

For the last 10 years, Amy’s work has revolved around her search for an answer to the question of what happens to a woman when she becomes a mother. Amy’s search began after not being able to find anything that described the experience she had been through in her own journey to motherhood, until she came across the word ‘matrescence’.

Matrescence means the experience of becoming a mother and the radical identify shift that goes along with it. Amy describes this in such a beautiful way – she says that when we become a mother, ‘we split in two’ – the person we used to be and the mother we are becoming. And, unless we honour that shift, we can get lost in the process of trying to figure out exactly who we are now.

I know I really relate to this, and that many of you do, too. I really enjoyed my conversation with Amy and I think you’re going to get a lot out of this episode. As always, the conversation continues over on Instagram so do come and join us there.

You can download a transcript of this week’s episode here.

Key takeaways from this week’s episode:

How Amy Became a Matrescence Activist:

  • Amy believes she has always had an activist spirit. She grew up obsessing over the stories of freedom fighters. (03:49)

  • She has always wanted to tell stories and make a change in the world. (04:01)

Matrescence & the Inner Split:

  • When Amy became a mother, she felt like she split into two. (05:29)

  • Matrescence is the transformation of undoing who you are and becoming who you are going to become. It is like adolescence. (06:20)

  • Matrescence is the period where you are in limbo. You question everything, your body changes and your brain completely rewires. (06:39)

Self-Silencing Stereotypes About Motherhood:

  • Self-silencing is what we do when we think we are the only ones that are having a particular problem. (08:17)

  • We do not say our problems out loud because nobody else is talking about it. (08:27)

  • The reason behind self-silencing is the unrealistic expectation and stereotype of what a good mother is. (08:42)

  • We need to recognise that motherhood is a massive transformation. When we deny that, we experience a breaking point. (08:59)

The Breaking Point:

  • Her journey to becoming a matrescence activist started when she went into early labour with her third child. The specialist told Amy it was her lifestyle, job, and stress levels that caused the incident. (10:14)

  • She started to ask herself why she can’t slow down, and why she has to continue proving herself. (11:09)

  • Like Amy, Many women are unable to let go of their plans and jobs when they become mothers. (12:16)

How Amy Let Go of the Stereotypes:

  • Amy did an online meditation course. She trained herself on how to take things slowly. (14:32)

  • She let go of the cultural conditioning and assumptions of what it means to be a good mother. (14:53)

Overcoming the ‘Superwoman Addiction’:

  • Superwoman addiction’ is the addiction to the feeling of not being enough. (16:14)

  • Amy thinks she is worthy. However, she struggles to believe that she does not need to work hard to make things happen. (16:20)

  • Mothers often have the ‘go, go, go’ mentality. (17:02)

  • Overcoming this addiction is challenging because we live in a patriarchal society. We focus on achievement and productivity at the expense of everything. (18:40)

  • Sometimes, we need to get to our breaking point to start our growth. (19:47)

How to Redefine Yourself as a Mother:

  • Understanding matrescence is the key to redefining your identity as a mother. (21:18)

  • You are undoing everything you have known about yourself, and you are going to rebuild it. You will question a lot of things, but that is okay. (22:11)

  • Acknowledge that motherhood is a whole process. It does not end at the six-week mark after you give birth. (24:41)

On Kindness & Self-Compassion:

  • Just like many other women, Amy was incredibly hard on herself. (27:37)

  • Overcome the ‘Inner Mean Mama.’ It is the voice that criticises you all the time. (28:05)

  • Start the process with kindness and compassion. Tell yourself that you love and accept yourself. (28:21)

  • Small practices, such as a short daily meditation, help you build an inner voice of a supportive mother. (30:03)

Accessible Tools for Redefining Your Identity:

  • Amy starts her day by doing a three-minute meditation. (31:40)

  • Amy learned how to light a candle for her life through the book, Circle of Stones. (31:50)

  • There has to be something that honours you as a changing woman. (32:55)

Resources mentioned in this episode

About Amy

Amy Taylor-Kabbaz is a journalist, researcher, author, coach and mother. She focuses on empowering women and understanding motherhood. Amy is known for her work on matrescence and the transition that women go through as a mother. Her latest book, ‘Mama Rising: Discovering the New You Through Motherhood’, was released in December through Hay House.

To learn more about Amy and her work, head over to her website or follow Amy over on Facebook.

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Ep. 106 - Why your past doesn't need to define you with Chloe Brotheridge